Jug Jug Jiyo Dilli

Yay, Hooray. So apparently it's Delhi's 100th birthday. Somehow everyone is in a frenzy. But let's get the fact straight. How the hell is it Delhi's 100th Birthday? Delhi has been a capital before those darn britishers, with their high tea the funniest accent and the worst possible food known to man, came. I don't see anyone celebrate those conquests by mughals, but yeah since they're British, let's do what they say. And just so you know what I am saying here's a re-look at the slab of coronation park

Darn. Anyway, even if we are celebrating 100 years no one really does bother if Delhi finished it's 100 years. Firstly no one can even give respect to the place which started it all. That's right, coronation park. It's in shambles, statues broken, unkempt and people and govt's combined lackadaisical attitude has done it. I'll stop being sarcastic now. Being an outsider who came a few years back, I never really could understand this city. Here are some of the things I can't figure out.

 >The curious case of Delhi drivers Yep they're all curious, and thanks to them there's a long traffic jam. Even if it's an 8 lane expressway as the one on Delhi Gurgaon and there are mangled remains of a car away from the road people have to slow down and see it. Then others join in and all of this continues to add up till you hear it on the radio Expressway par traffic slow hai, ye khabar di humaare mirchi hotshot ne

>Tera baap kaun hai I've never heard of this slang anywhere but in delhi "Tu jaanta nahi mera baap kaun hai". What do I care. However doing this shows a really bad side of the people and a disrespect for his father's hard earned name and the fact that he couldn't properly raise his children. But forget that, whenever someone drops that line, this is the first thing that comes to my mind for them.

>The constipated posh That's how I refer to them, and though not all are like that, but I've seen quite a few myself. They come in their Mercedes, BMW strut their way in flaunting their gucci, prada armani (men and women)but don't have the decency to stand in a queue like others, because unlike them, we're lowlifes, and some of them have been living for so long cooped up in a rich person's utopia, they've forgotten poor exist.

 >The Artists Don't think am talking about real artists, these are the ones for whom the world is their canvas. And dare I tell you what they use for paints and brush. Pan stains and urinating on walls has almost become a fashion trend. I've been thinking that these people should be encouraged to show the world how they paint Delhi. And in some places such as CP which has been painted red and yellow the most, the argument "Idhar paas me koi toilet nahi hai" won't hold.

Am too short on space to write anything more for such fine people or others that I missed out. And I still missed out on our beloved (Understand the irony) Leaders. Because the amount of love I have for them cannot be shown on one post alone.

But then Delhi is still a good place, with lots of nice people you meet, unknown friends you make in the bus to and fro work or anywhere else. However that cannot change what others think of Delhi, though it shouldn't bother you at all but I've taken the liberty to draw out a rough example

Maybe, just maybe, as we celebrate the 100th anniversary King George's decision to rule from Delhi, we can start to be the change. A world class city does not have it's people polluting it's river, or allow the govt. to function the way it is doing. Neither do the people take it's city for granted as we are.

The author would like to take this opportunity to wish Delhi it's 100th Happy Birthday with mixed emotions.

I am in favour of the 2G scam. Here's Why?

"A. Raja murdabaad(Down with A.Raja), jail me daalo(Put him in prison)" these were the first things that people wanted when 2G scam came to light. Even though my post comes late when everything has almost died down, I still have a strong opinion that 2G scam should have happened. Here's my points in favour of it. 1. Slow Govt. Machinery- 2G license was to be auctioned much earlier but the govt. and it's slow approach delayed it for years adding to the cost of license. 2. Loss to exchequer is irrelevant- Here's my main argument, the core of this scam lies in the fact that he received kickbacks from telecom companies to sell 2G licenses at 2001 prices which were a fraction of the actual cost. Of course he used those kickbacks to build this plush bungalow

But now let's take a look at what would have happened if the govt. did get that Rs. 1760000000000 which is the estimated loss. The license price now shot up would have added to the cost of telecom companies. They in turn would have passed the burden to us. Would it have been possible for you to enjoy roaming at local rates, or that 2000 sms pack at just 70-80 rs, or how about those free calls or that reduced rate which is as low as 1/2 paisa per second. I really don't think so. We would have still be living battling high phone prices. And as far as the money is concerned, we already know how much of it is actually used. A good amount of it would have probably been spent on Money Guzzling schemes like MNREGA which benefit only a few people. Furthermore, most of the money would have been pocketed by our OH SO BELOVED NETAS never to be seen again. That loss never happened. A.Raja may have gotten a good amount of kickback but that is nothing compared to what would have happened if that money reached the exchequer and then to our babus and netas. Of course I think corruption is a bad thing, but then even I am selfish. My low call rates are all thanks to the 2G scam. Furthermore the money is in the hand of the corporate sector who do a much better job in development than the govt. The author in no way is justifying corruption. However he blames the govt's sluggish pace which is the main reason behind scams.This blog is also in response to a blog by Reema Jain, See her version of the scam here

Gems from my treasure box

This one is not really a thought, but more of a recollection of old memories. Today being friendship day I'm taking out those precious moments of my life and putting them right here to annoy the hell and torture everyone else because I have nothing else to write about:



1 Cop trouble- This one was on the same night when our board exams finished, night out with the guys (Roohbir, Deepan, Haripal and Haripal's cousin; that good for nothing bhanu chickened out) a dinner and late night movie at FR and then someone had to smoke weed and drink booze close to the 'then under construction' IT Park when the cops show up and weed scattered all over the dash of Hari's car, luckily they didn't check the car otherwise I would've been in deep shit for no fault of my own.

2 Sukirat Sir's BBQ- The special thing about this was I got to make two new friends, both my juniors in school but very special people none the less Ranbir and Rabani, and also the crazy stuff Roohbir and I did at Sir's house till 5 am regardless that he had a meeting in school at 7.

3 Rajeshwar's sleepover- First a Drag Race at the lake and then Rajeshwar coming over to get tortured by snores

4 Suchet ka kissa: Classic moment. Just goes to show what happens when you end up with a wasted suchet and a tube of colgate

5 Christmas and New Year: Each and everyone spent with friends. No words can describe these times

6 Hostel Times: A few people made those hellish years worth living. From the Birthdays to when all of us ganged up on Ravi's room to the Chak De Festival or even the never ending problems with maggu to chetan and bhalu ki almari special moments
For those who don't know what am talking about check these links
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYWmGvF26Rk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnudsbhVlyc

7 Office time- Only the two trips were special Lansdowne and Jaipur, baaki to aiwei tha excep for the innumerable bunks with choti ^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewq_jM73-qQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epVpP-T5H-w

8 Holi in chandigarh: That one holi with Roohbir, Nina and Manisha (All thanks to Manisha I celebrated holi in my new jeans)

9 Sunday in Central Park: A vodka+sprite, a friend, a cold winter day and a sunshine. Perfect lazy times :D

Although there are many more I wanted to put up here but due to a few restrictions I'll torture you some other day with them

The author would like to wish everyone a very happy friendship day and hope that he never loses his friends especially the ones who really care and FU to those who don't

Of Sluts & Stereotyping

Now I wasn't really surprised a little bit when the Indian Version of "SLUTWALK" or Besharmi campaign or whatever it was took place, but it looked more like aping the west one more time on taking an issue in a nonsensical way. Now don't get me wrong, even I feel that women's rights should be in place and that a woman, no matter how she dresses up like can face sexual harassment and that the society in large is wrong to portray the fact that women dressed scantily face it. However,from the general responses by women given to all sorts of media I got the feeling that the message was lost in translation.
Here's what I think the slutwalk was intended to say : All women can be the subject of Sexual Harassment no matter how they dress up.


Here's what the message sounded like in India: We should be given the freedom to dress up how we choose without anyone trying to harass us.
Clearly that may exist in an utopia, but this situation can never be in the real world, and no I'm not trying to protect rapist but people have a mindset that can't change on this no matter how hard they try. By the way did it ever occur to anyone that even if men tried the skin show thing, they'll face criticism. So ladies dress up and do it however you want to but just be sure that if you dress to get attention you'll get it, don't complain whether it's good or bad.
Women don't need to organise protests to tell people that they'll dress how the want, they need to get bold, giving a tight slap to an offender in public, or other forms of public humiliation will be a better deterrent than a slutwalk.

The author personally feels that it's high time for men to get together and ask for their rights to dress up in leather pants, dangling jewellery and no shirt and women need to grow up and tackle this issue in a better way than to ape their counterparts in the west who aren't left with too many issues to deal with. Furthermore there exist more impending issues than how a woman should dress.

The Release Statement Part-1

Seriously speaking I've become too lazy these days, this blog was suppose to be out at least 10 days back. But let's forget that, here it is, and yeah a shoutout to Robby who saved me from a writer's block by constantly being after me to put this up.

But first, a lot's happened since I last put up a blog, namely that I've finally been able to complete a 3.5 years training and am a free man now. The First Statement is all about that

First and foremost it's been a tough 3.5 years and I really owe it to my friends and colleagues for helping me see the way through. Would like to thank a few people here besides my parents because I don't have words enough to thank them:

1) Roohbir, Bhanu and Deepan: You three are probably the biggest assholes I know but seriously speaking whenever you guys were here, you took away my tensions and worries whenever you guys showed up here, with all the fun moments we shared from roohbir's boating experience at the lake to Deepan and his crazy antics and that day in Delhi Bhanu and I shared.

2) Robby: The man who has his whole life devoted to swag. But seriously discussing some of the more intricate stuff with this guy could have never been better, he can suggest the corniest of ideas that can work, I still wonder why he couldn't get a girl for himself

3) Bani: Although She lives on the other corner of India, she's been a big help through my ups and downs. Thanks for everything

4) Vinamrata: Enuff said :P I don't know what to say, She's one person who's helped me get through my worst moments, though it's another thing that she's the source of most of them. But seriously some of the best moments, from the innumerable bunks to the booze party we've had in Central Park you've been there for me always so thank you.

Then there are the innumerable people in my office and clients list who deserve an applause too and then there's my angel, I won't take her name for private reasons but the people closest to me know, you very recently entered my life and made me a happier man than I ever was. Love you, Always.

The author would like to take this time out and reflect on how the past few years have completely transformed him, however the blog his dear friend Robby was looking for will not form a part of this one, stay tuned for Part-2

That Valentine's Day Talk

Well first of all wishing you guys a very happy Valentine's Day. Mine went regular except for the fact that a friend gave me a box containing two heart shaped cookies, one for me and one for, well someone else so sorry but they were too delicious to resist

To be honest I did have a blog to write about and was about to give up completely when Robby (yes he's being mentioned in almost every single blog I write) came to my rescue, he was asking as to whether I was talking to any chicks lately and whether I was planning to use the "Valentine's Day talk" on her. Now frankly I didn't have even the slightest idea what the heck he was talking about so I decided to discuss it with my cabinet (my booze cabinet). I had some beer, whiskey, tequila, vodka and some more beer then passed out and slept over the whole issue (Not really). What I actually did was sit in the corner of an office in Gurgaon and thought over this whole Valentine's Day Talk issue.

So although I couldn't come with much. Here is what I think may qualify as Valentine's Day talk. My only assumption is that the entire world becomes a lousy bunch of perverted nymphos.
> To a banker chick: Hey there my gorgeous piece of Fixed Deposit, mind if I make a small deposit to your, ahem Account? Her most probable reply can be: It was rather, small.
> At a coffee shop: Hey my sweet latte, I really love to have a bite of that lemon tart
>hey there, what's a hot girl like you doing in a place like this. I know of a place that can really keep you cozy (this comes with a sound that sounds like a constipated Darth Vader)
>A really Lousy one: You wanna go someplace where we can get aackuuaainted hmmmm??? (that lousy Matt Damon act usually accompanies this one)
>Girl's version: Oh am really sorry for this, maybe we can work something out. the only other sounds you may hear after this would be Ohhh ohhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......... ;)
>An Investment Banker: Hey there sweetie I would love to invest in you ASS-ets
> A french artist: huh huh, my sweet ladiiieee, come wwwith mua and weeee weel make beautiful meusic together
> A casanova : aaaah I love you, mwah mwah, aaah You have set my soul on fire, I can already feel it now, making a hole in my heart, feeling it Burning buuuuuuuuuurning........ (copied from Tom and Jerry)

I can't think of anymore so I'll close it for now as I feel sleepy as well. This isn't the best of my work, but it's out here and now
Cya guys later

The author wishes everyone a happy Valentine's day and hopes that everyone celebrates it in it's true spirits instead of acting like horny and greedy bastards. Peace Out

Dancing Cars and desperate people

Date: 6th January 2011
Time: 4:15 p.m.
Place: NFC Market, New Delhi

I was standing in a corner of the 2nd floor office looking through the window towards the busy NFC market, the hot chicks with their no so hot guys (how in the world did those assholes manage those hot babes is something of mystery to me till date). It was at the same time when I suddenly noticed on a far end of the market in the parking lot, a white swift, more or less sandwiched between other cars, bouncing up and down like I used to bounce my head on hearing DJ Khaled. The car however reminded me of the late Eddie Guerrero's low rider with the alloys, hydraulics that would be sweet.This, however, was a completely different scenario, I could clearly see through the windshield that some guy's ass was bouncing up and down in the car too as if being commanded by Justin Timberlake (remember the song Bounce??). More or less it was clear as to which tune the car was bouncing to and it wasn't David Guetta's tune to say the least. This has been the motivation to come up with such a fucked up blog post about Dancing Cars.

A friend saw something similar in Lonavala when his taxi was parked somewhere and an Esteem a few metres away was dancing to the tune of I wanna F*ck you (Literally), the song kept playing over and over again and my best guess was that the run down esteem probably liked the song too much to stop it's jingo which, as he said it, was something like a crossover between bharatnatyam and bhangra(Cars can do THAT??? FRIGGIN AWESOME). After 20 minutes of dancing the car stopped and 5 minutes later came out a couple setting their clothes. No prizes for guessing what was happening inside, I guess their esteem was too overjoyed and busy dancing to the music to really bother.

This brings me to the more serious part of this blog as to why a space crunched Delhi needs to get down and dirty and downright desperate on the roads so as to make their cars BOUNCE........like their ass the hiccuuuuups, BOUNCE like they're riding in a pickuuuuuuuup, oops I started singing that timberlake song again FOCUS man FOCUS, probably because of the lack of privacy or maybe it's just the fact that someone got a swanky new car and wanna show off it's Micheal jackson style dance moves, Robby I sure wanna see your Civic do that once, but I guess by that time you'll have that Mercedes- "I don't give a fuck" class to dance to the tune of, uuuuhhhhh I don't know, maybe Beiber, the song will go well too, "Baby baby baby oooooohhhhh" ;)



Dad once told me about this road in Dwarka, completely empty with not a soul around and very close to a friend's house, where people from as far as Manesar in their cars after 12 to get laid. I can already imagine it now- scores of cars lined up on that road some of them will be dancing really fast like to the beats of tiesto (rough one, advice be sure to get you suspension checked afterwards), others bouncing up and down rhythmically to the songs of Lil Wayne and still others more slow will be making their own music with a background score of lots of OOOOOOO's AAAAAAA's and MMMMMMM's and the guy grunting like a rhinoceros who got a tree stuck up his back . Topping that will be the streetlights, wait I forgot, there is no power coming there, thanks a lot Sheila Dickshit. Now we'll get generators, a DJ system laser lights and booze, no dance party is complete without booze right???
So if your planning to shake your car all night or day or whatever time it is, this is what you need
1) a girlfriend/ wife (preferably your own, sometimes red light chicks will do too)
2) Contraceptives (if you don't listen to me now you'll definitely remember me after 9 months)
3) Booze (Do I even need to tell you why???)
4) A car (this can be directly proportional to the beauty of the girl)
5) An empty place

Are you still reading this you moron?? That can only mean you have no life just like me who writes crap for fun.I didn't write anything too erotic so I just hope you wouldn't Jerk off in front of your computer because that'll make you a bigger loser than you already maybe.
Peace out until next time.

Confession: The author had to watch a lot of relevant educational videos (read porn videos of people having sex in cars) to come up with such an article, his personal views are that such a thing is disgusting and people need to spend a few hundred bucks and get a hotel room instead.