That Valentine's Day Talk

Well first of all wishing you guys a very happy Valentine's Day. Mine went regular except for the fact that a friend gave me a box containing two heart shaped cookies, one for me and one for, well someone else so sorry but they were too delicious to resist

To be honest I did have a blog to write about and was about to give up completely when Robby (yes he's being mentioned in almost every single blog I write) came to my rescue, he was asking as to whether I was talking to any chicks lately and whether I was planning to use the "Valentine's Day talk" on her. Now frankly I didn't have even the slightest idea what the heck he was talking about so I decided to discuss it with my cabinet (my booze cabinet). I had some beer, whiskey, tequila, vodka and some more beer then passed out and slept over the whole issue (Not really). What I actually did was sit in the corner of an office in Gurgaon and thought over this whole Valentine's Day Talk issue.

So although I couldn't come with much. Here is what I think may qualify as Valentine's Day talk. My only assumption is that the entire world becomes a lousy bunch of perverted nymphos.
> To a banker chick: Hey there my gorgeous piece of Fixed Deposit, mind if I make a small deposit to your, ahem Account? Her most probable reply can be: It was rather, small.
> At a coffee shop: Hey my sweet latte, I really love to have a bite of that lemon tart
>hey there, what's a hot girl like you doing in a place like this. I know of a place that can really keep you cozy (this comes with a sound that sounds like a constipated Darth Vader)
>A really Lousy one: You wanna go someplace where we can get aackuuaainted hmmmm??? (that lousy Matt Damon act usually accompanies this one)
>Girl's version: Oh am really sorry for this, maybe we can work something out. the only other sounds you may hear after this would be Ohhh ohhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......... ;)
>An Investment Banker: Hey there sweetie I would love to invest in you ASS-ets
> A french artist: huh huh, my sweet ladiiieee, come wwwith mua and weeee weel make beautiful meusic together
> A casanova : aaaah I love you, mwah mwah, aaah You have set my soul on fire, I can already feel it now, making a hole in my heart, feeling it Burning buuuuuuuuuurning........ (copied from Tom and Jerry)

I can't think of anymore so I'll close it for now as I feel sleepy as well. This isn't the best of my work, but it's out here and now
Cya guys later

The author wishes everyone a happy Valentine's day and hopes that everyone celebrates it in it's true spirits instead of acting like horny and greedy bastards. Peace Out

Dancing Cars and desperate people

Date: 6th January 2011
Time: 4:15 p.m.
Place: NFC Market, New Delhi

I was standing in a corner of the 2nd floor office looking through the window towards the busy NFC market, the hot chicks with their no so hot guys (how in the world did those assholes manage those hot babes is something of mystery to me till date). It was at the same time when I suddenly noticed on a far end of the market in the parking lot, a white swift, more or less sandwiched between other cars, bouncing up and down like I used to bounce my head on hearing DJ Khaled. The car however reminded me of the late Eddie Guerrero's low rider with the alloys, hydraulics that would be sweet.This, however, was a completely different scenario, I could clearly see through the windshield that some guy's ass was bouncing up and down in the car too as if being commanded by Justin Timberlake (remember the song Bounce??). More or less it was clear as to which tune the car was bouncing to and it wasn't David Guetta's tune to say the least. This has been the motivation to come up with such a fucked up blog post about Dancing Cars.

A friend saw something similar in Lonavala when his taxi was parked somewhere and an Esteem a few metres away was dancing to the tune of I wanna F*ck you (Literally), the song kept playing over and over again and my best guess was that the run down esteem probably liked the song too much to stop it's jingo which, as he said it, was something like a crossover between bharatnatyam and bhangra(Cars can do THAT??? FRIGGIN AWESOME). After 20 minutes of dancing the car stopped and 5 minutes later came out a couple setting their clothes. No prizes for guessing what was happening inside, I guess their esteem was too overjoyed and busy dancing to the music to really bother.

This brings me to the more serious part of this blog as to why a space crunched Delhi needs to get down and dirty and downright desperate on the roads so as to make their cars BOUNCE........like their ass the hiccuuuuups, BOUNCE like they're riding in a pickuuuuuuuup, oops I started singing that timberlake song again FOCUS man FOCUS, probably because of the lack of privacy or maybe it's just the fact that someone got a swanky new car and wanna show off it's Micheal jackson style dance moves, Robby I sure wanna see your Civic do that once, but I guess by that time you'll have that Mercedes- "I don't give a fuck" class to dance to the tune of, uuuuhhhhh I don't know, maybe Beiber, the song will go well too, "Baby baby baby oooooohhhhh" ;)



Dad once told me about this road in Dwarka, completely empty with not a soul around and very close to a friend's house, where people from as far as Manesar in their cars after 12 to get laid. I can already imagine it now- scores of cars lined up on that road some of them will be dancing really fast like to the beats of tiesto (rough one, advice be sure to get you suspension checked afterwards), others bouncing up and down rhythmically to the songs of Lil Wayne and still others more slow will be making their own music with a background score of lots of OOOOOOO's AAAAAAA's and MMMMMMM's and the guy grunting like a rhinoceros who got a tree stuck up his back . Topping that will be the streetlights, wait I forgot, there is no power coming there, thanks a lot Sheila Dickshit. Now we'll get generators, a DJ system laser lights and booze, no dance party is complete without booze right???
So if your planning to shake your car all night or day or whatever time it is, this is what you need
1) a girlfriend/ wife (preferably your own, sometimes red light chicks will do too)
2) Contraceptives (if you don't listen to me now you'll definitely remember me after 9 months)
3) Booze (Do I even need to tell you why???)
4) A car (this can be directly proportional to the beauty of the girl)
5) An empty place

Are you still reading this you moron?? That can only mean you have no life just like me who writes crap for fun.I didn't write anything too erotic so I just hope you wouldn't Jerk off in front of your computer because that'll make you a bigger loser than you already maybe.
Peace out until next time.

Confession: The author had to watch a lot of relevant educational videos (read porn videos of people having sex in cars) to come up with such an article, his personal views are that such a thing is disgusting and people need to spend a few hundred bucks and get a hotel room instead.